on rudeness

I need to vent. I normally don’t post other things on Sundays, but I had to get this off my chest.

Today Youngest had his first piano recital. He did just fine, and I’m more proud of him for learning to deal with nervousness and performing under pressure than for the music itself (tho that’s still cool). The music school once again demonstrated they are a fine group of folks that run a good ship and care about their students. My beef isn’t with them.

It’s with the audience.

Or more specifically… the parents.

I was floored at the number of parents that left as soon as their child finished playing. By the time the recital was over, I looked back and saw the room was almost empty. That was sad and terrible. The students performing at the end of the recital deserved just as much respect and audience for their hard work and performance as did YOUR child at the start of the recital.

But no.

You came for your child, and didn’t care about anyone else. Oh sure, I wouldn’t have been there either if my child wasn’t performing, but my child wasn’t the only child performing. You could see on every child’s face, some more than others, how nervous they were. But you didn’t care. You didn’t think how the sight of you getting up and walking out as they started performing would impact the child. You didn’t think that sitting there and texting or Facebooking would matter… when instead showing these nervous children a smiling and supportive face could mean all the world to them. You didn’t think that as you stood in the lobby area, how loud your voices were and how much it disturbed, interrupted, and distracted the performing child.

No… you didn’t care. Your rudeness never occurred to you.

I came so close to jumping out of my seat and storming into the lobby area and scolding these inconsiderate individuals for their behavior. But I didn’t. First, if I did, they wouldn’t accept it; they’d just get defensive and consider me the rude asshole (can’t see past the log in their own eye). Second, if I got up, I knew the child performing would have no idea why I was getting up — I’d just be another adult getting up and leaving. I was not going to do that to any child.

After the recital was over, I expressed my disappointment to one of the school’s owners, and she agreed that it was rude (and said she’s going to change recital policy to say if you come, you stay, else don’t bother signing up at all… and I hope she does, and I hope she enforces it). She told me she asked some of them why they were leaving and they gave excuses like “it’s Christmas… we’re busy”. Busy? You’re too busy for a 2 hour recital? You’re too busy to give something of yourself to others? You’re too busy to be polite and considerate of others? And don’t even give me this “it’s Christmas” line, because the level of selfishness you displayed shows me you know fuck-all about what Christmas is about.

But, there’s always a teachable moment.

Before we left, I took my family aside and spoke with the Kiddos. We talked about what happened, and they agreed it was rude and they felt terrible for the kids performing. Even Youngest commented how he felt a little awkward that as he walked in to start, he saw all these people getting up and leaving. Kiddos also said how wonderful it was for them to have stayed. They saw many great performances, had many smiles and joyful moments, and just saw some really talented people perform. So they got to see something few did — and that was a precious thing. Others could have seen it too, but they chose not to. Maybe they had a legit reason, but they still didn’t have to be rude about it. So at least my Kiddos got to learn and grow in some unexpectedly welcome ways.

But the best part was Youngest… who can’t wait for the Spring recital and perform again.   Hopefully the parents will be better behaved by then.